Before I get to blogging about our great trip to NC for Thanksgiving I need to take a minute to share about sleep and the lack there of.
As many of you know, the babes are not great sleepers. This might be a major understatement. So it is time, more than time, to sleep train. This is, hands down, one of the most difficult things I have had to do as a parent. I have made a few attempts and they have all failed due to user (mommy) error. But as I said earlier, it is time.
I know that I have reached my limit of sleeplessness. I know that Joe has reached his limit. I know that I will be a better parent and that I will teach my children important and vital skills by allowing them the opportunity to learn self soothing. I know this. I don't FEEL this. I feel lousy. I feel like I am abandoning these small fragile infants that I was so very very blessed to be entrusted with. I feel like I am not taking the best care that I can of these precious souls that chose ME to be their parent, that I am not treating this Gift of all gifts with the degree of caring and attention that I should.
And I read to much. Way too much. Seriously - too much!! I have read every book that I can find on sleep. I have a library of books on sleep, on children in general. I keep looking for one that I like, that feels right. I just realized that none of them ever will. That the issues that I have around letting the babes cry has nothing to do with them. It has to do with my feelings of "worthiness" as a parent. It all stems back to my underlining feeling that some how I tricked fate and "got away with" having these gorgeous babies. That I wasn't really "meant" to have children and that I had better treat this opportunity like the miracle it is. Some of that is true, but mostly it's fears that I have held too close to the heart for too long. They are fears that will never serve me or my children well and they, along with the martyrdom, need to be eradicated.
So that's what I am about these days, letting the babies cry and letting go of my feelings of unworthiness. Neither is easy, both are necessary.
8 comments:
You are a great mommy. Period!
They need these sleep skills to be happy and healthy in the long run...we won't be around forever!
Pappa bear.
You and Joe are great parents....never question that....we all have to learn as we go, what to do...Things will turn around....Love Mom S
You are doing a great job.
Being a good parent means making choices that are good for the whole family and that is just what you are doing. You said it yourself, it isn't easy but it is necessary.
Everyone will be able to self sooth better when everyone is getting better sleep. Is there a book about self soothing techniques for parents? It seems to me that if we don't learn to self sooth in a healthy ways as children we turn to all kinds of bad ways to self sooth as adults. You are doing the right thing and you are doing a great job. Everyone sees it and so should you.
For starters, you know as well as I do that your babies are far from fragile! How many times has Cookie stunned himself with the purple bowl? Kiss seems to be even more durable, considering her mobility these days and the "spills" she sometimes takes.
These "fragile" beings that you and Papa Bear were definitely so incredibly blessed with are only working you two over! They know how adorable they are and so they use it to their advantage. At least they did, until about a week ago.
I must admitt, these awesome babies are hard to keep your paws off of while they are learning to self soothe, BUT I AM SO PROUD OF YOU FOR STICKING TO IT! It already has gotten so much easier in just these past few days. It will continue to get easier, and they will be happier babies because of this.
You and Papa Bear are two of the greatest parents I have ever met. You both are completely consumed with the well-being of your children and it shows. Your adorable duo are truly two of the happiest children I have ever had the pleasure of knowing! (Cookie is THE happiest baby EVER!)
So while you are feeling lousy about how cruel of a mother you feel like you are being, I want you to know how much I personally admire you as a mother! I hope to be as dedicated, loving and nuturing to my future children.
And while you are well aware of how blessed you are to have these gorgeous babies, I can PROMISE you that your babies will grow up feeling equally blessed to have such a wonderful Mommy! (and Papa)
------>SN<------
You two are great parents!!! Please don't ever doubt that! They are never going to remember that you let them cry themselves to sleep a time or two! I'm telling you...the sooner you get it over with, the sooner you are going to be like "why did we wait so long?!" The family I nannied for had the same issues (of parental worthiness) and the mother actually didn't teach their first born to soothe herself...until it was TOO late! And when I say too late, I mean TOO LATE! They realized they had a problem when they were finally getting their second baby (2 years younger) to self soothe because they couldn't deal with two kiddos trying to be on their 'own' schedule...and parents were getting next to no sleep! There were many days I picked the kids up and took them to my house so the parents could finally get some sleep. (Believe me...doing this now sure beats the heck out of emptying the entire bedroom (because the 3 year old would stay up til all hours of the night playing with toys and/or reading books via the night light!...and eventually the street lights once the night light was taken away...) and baby-gating her in her room!
Now is good! :o) (Those babies are so lucky to have you two for parents!)
SN's twin :o)
Once upon a time, a long time ago, lived a little girl whom loved to be awake at night. Cuter than cute, a smile that could melt and a mama that couldn't resist! Self soothing I had not heard of - through trial and error that little girl learned to sleep and became the energized,happy, dynamic, creative, loving mom you are today. I'm routing for you. You're the best. Love, Mom
Ava is 18mnths old & went from sleeping through the night in her crib to sleeping right between mommy & daddy every night (in the last 5mnths). I tried the "let them cry it out" but after 1hr of intense crying & the fear that the neighbors would be shortly calling the police I gave up. I dont remember the last time I slept through the night & we have only 3mnths left before Lily joins the family. So, when you get it figured out let us know, otherwise we will be looking for a king size bed to fit the whole family.
Much Love-
Hill Family
Oh my goodness C-
This is a tough one... and even though my girls are much older than yours... I still remember how I felt about this at the stage you are now.
They will learn- don't worry. But rest assured that there will be periods of sleeplessness for you until they are grown... some times will be better, some times will be worse- you will just learn to roll with it!!
Happy Holidays!!
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